


Swan Dive

by Pixiestick_cc



Series: A Place Far Different [2]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, Mild Language, POV Alternating, Redemption, for more than one character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27091036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiestick_cc/pseuds/Pixiestick_cc
Summary: Vampires, Jess could deal with. Coming out of the closet, eh, not so much.
Relationships: Jessica Stanley/Bella Swan
Series: A Place Far Different [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977292
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't expect this to be a long story, but when I went back recently and re-edited 'The L Word', I wanted to add something to it and this is the story that came to me.

_-Gravity is nothing to me  
I'm moving at the speed of sound  
I'm just going to get my feet wet  
Until I drown- _

Ani DiFranco

* * *

I glanced out my bedroom window and groaned. Ominous clouds stared back. Which wasn’t all that unusual for a gloomy town like mine where cloudy skies were always on a mission to ruin your day. Well, unless you were a vampire. Alice once told me that it was the reason her family stayed in such an insignificant part of the world as Forks. Clouds gave them cover. A way to blend in. “What? Will you spontaneously combust in full sunlight?” I sarcastically responded. I mean, she could be out during the day, so obviously, muted sunlight didn’t affect her the way it might have _Dracula_. Still, I couldn’t resist a chance to tease. 

“Maybe one day I’ll show you,” she’d replied with a wink. Always so mysterious and cryptic. Like her brother, but with a less punchable face. 

_Nope. Not today, Satan!_

I would not let my mind wander down a rabbit hole of speculations about _him_. He was like the weather outside, except in my head. Constantly clouding it with gloom. I couldn’t shake Edward no matter how chummy Alice was with her new favorite queer couple. She would always be linked with him. And even worse, it happened around Bella too. I assumed this was what trauma felt like. Always worrying that the Big Bad Wolf would show up and blow your house down. Except in my case, the wolf was a vampire and the house was my first ever relationship. Stalker boy had been gone for over two months now and yet his specter still loomed large over my life. Now he stalked my thoughts and I freaking hated it.

But no … I wouldn’t let him or the weather saturate my senses with worry. I wanted today to be perfect. 

Pulling away from the window, I continued getting ready, tying my hair into a pony-tail, and giving myself just a touch of makeup. Not enough to smear from sweat or you know, a serious make-out session with my girlfriend if that were to happen. Sure, anything was possible when we were alone, but I wasn’t positive an outdoor setting would scream that it was time to _get down to business_ with me. Not that anyone used that phrase to describe their love life. Well, maybe _Mulan’s_ boyfriend. But I certainly wasn’t a guy or dating my childhood cartoon crush. I was with Bella and we planned on going hiking today. That’s all I would focus on for now.

Quickly, I finished applying glossy pink goo to my lips and made a little popping sound for effect, before heading down the stairs where my backpack was sitting next to the front door. I’d packed it the previous night in anticipation of today and also to remind my mom of my plans. I didn’t want a sneak attack from her asking me to do something. Saturdays were always good for that.

_Jessica, I have to run some errands, could you ..._

_No, I can’t mom, because I have a date with my girlfriend. Not that you would know anything about that._

And like a hawk ready to swoop in on its prey, my mom found me the moment my feet bounded from the bottom step onto the hardwood floor. “Do you really have to go out today? You’ve already been spending so much time with Bella as it is and I need you to babysit.” This was the third time I’d heard her babysitting plea, but the first that included the caveat of too much Bella time.

“I thought you liked Bella. You know, goody-goody sheriff’s daughter and all, keeping me on the right track. No drinking, no drugs, no sex.” _Not yet anyway_.

“Please, don’t be glib with me,” she sighed, clearly not enthused with my sarcasm. “As you are well aware your dad is at a conference this weekend and I could use the extra help.”

Now it was my turn to sigh. “Mom, I know I’m the easy go-to when it comes to childcare for you, but I do have a life and I made these plans with Bella last week. You’ve known about them since then.” I sat on the floor and began lacing my hiking boots, recently purchased because this was all new to me. Hiking and also having a girlfriend.

“But it’s not like you don’t see her at school. She even picks you up for goodness' sake.”

“Well, the best way to solve that is to buy me a car so _I_ can pick _her_ up.” I looped my last lace and tugged them tight, only to look up and see a sour expression frowning down. Mom never appreciated my jokes. Just like most things about me.

“You don’t even like outdoorsy stuff,” she complained.

“I do occasionally. I went surfing at La Push with Angela not too long ago. Well, tried surfing is more like it. But anyway, can’t I grow as a person? You don’t see me playing with _Barbies_ much anymore, do you? People change.” _And plus, it gives me the ability to be alone with my girlfriend, something that isn’t always so easy for us to do._ My voice was becoming less sardonic and more annoyed. When my mom flashed her evil-eye, I knew I’d pushed too far and had to pull my inner actress out from storage, which yes, I could still do. Standing, I used a saccharinely sweet voice and offered a compromise. “Look, if it’s something that you can delay, maybe I can fit in some babysitting duties tomorrow after church. I just … I’ve been really looking forward to today. Please, don’t rain on my parade.”

Certainly not an award-winning performance, but good enough to soften Mom up. She gave me a hard nod. As good as it would get from her. “Fine. I can move my stuff to tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” I said, hugging her. Another performance. We rarely showed affection. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure how I’d learned to hide my emotions so well with such a loving example like her around. What a complete mystery it was. Also, I wasn’t sure who my sarcasm was intended for since no one could hear my thoughts. Maybe my closeted lesbian. She was still kicking around in my brain. Not living there but squatting, and giving advice when needed. I wasn’t out to everyone. Hardly. And especially not to my parents. I’d probably tell all of Forks before I had _that_ conversation with them. 

Thankfully, I didn’t have to prolong my charade. The rumble of Bella’s engine was loud enough to reach my ears through the thick house walls and over the cartoons my brothers were watching nearby. I hurried from my mom’s grasp before Bella could reach the door, shouting, “Bye,” as I went.

Not fast enough though. Bella was already out of her truck heading my way and realizing this too late, I let out a little, “Oomph,” as our bodies collided with the full force of a sprint. 

My feet were steady but it was no secret that Bella tended to be clumsy, leading me to play the role of her savior on more than one occasion. After our crash, I swung my gaze away from the front door to see Bella’s body arching backward. Instinctively, my arms wound around her torso, pulling her upright against me. We stood for a moment, our faces close, our bodies even closer, the smell of strawberries filling my nose with happy memories of other times we’d been this near. God, I wanted to kiss her so badly. But it was not the time or place. Relinquishing my hold, I shot a glance towards the house. Nothing screamed super gay girlfriends about what I’d just done, but still. I was always on guard.

“Why the rush out the door,” Bella asked and I turned back to stare at her. A dusty pink brightened her usually pale cheeks.

“Oh, you know, trying to escape an over-zealous mother in need of a babysitter,” I breezily replied.

Bella glanced over my shoulder, a cute worry wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows. “We could uh … well, I mean if you needed to cancel-”

“No!” I said much too forcefully and Bella giggled. I coughed to hide my embarrassment. “What I mean is, I made a compromise to babysit tomorrow instead. So, it’s not an issue. I just didn’t want her trying to backtrack. Plus I’m always in a hurry to see you.”

“Apparently.” She shyly smiled and it was oh so kissable. But then I grew distracted when she waved at someone behind me. Twisting my neck, I saw James and John with their faces pressed up against the living room windows, making faces like most little boys would do.

“Charming,” I deadpanned.

“I think it’s cute,” Bella replied, ignoring my sarcasm. “What might be annoying to you is different for an only child. You don't know how badly I wished I had annoying siblings who made faces at me when I was growing up with only my mom for company.”

“Well, they’re all yours.” I made a flourish with my hand in their direction just in time to see James sticking a finger up his nose. Bella cringed and I laughed. “Are you sure you still want ‘em?”

"Well, maybe not as brothers, but I’d at least like the chance to meet them for more than just a few seconds.”

“Why so they can wipe their boogers on you? Trust me, you’re not missing much.” My deflection was painfully obvious and wouldn’t go unnoticed by Bella. We’d been here before. Her mentioning some variation of getting to know my family better and me finding some excuse to keep those two halves of my life separate. My situation was a little different than hers. A single dad who despite being a cop seemed pretty easy going around me compared to my family who wasn't exactly the warmest, let alone the queer-friendliest. I just wasn't ready. “Hey, we should get going before the day gets away from us," I suggested, wanting to move on from the subject of my family, and Bella agreed, although her responding smile seemed sad and I wanted to kick myself with my brand new boots.

_It’s for the best. Just give it time._

Even if my closeted lesbian was right, I absolutely hated disappointing Bella and hoped she wouldn’t hold it against me. I mean, it would be kinda ironic if Edward didn’t end up being the reason our relationship failed but rather my own inability to open up. Taking a deep breath, I gazed upward to see clouds still looming darkly in the sky ... and in my heart. I'd tell my family soon. Just not today.


	2. Chapter 2

Alright, fine. In hindsight, maybe going on a hike wasn’t the best idea, but you know what ... it didn’t matter because I wouldn’t be deterred. Not by my girlfriend’s lack of direction, or my sore feet in boots that I probably should’ve broken in first, or the drizzle making our clothes damp, or the bugs that were ... 

_Okay, this isn’t helping._

I stopped myself from furthering down a trail of negative thoughts as miserable as the one we were walking on. A pep talk was supposed to encourage you- or in my case, remind me of why I was here- not highlight all the bad things. And I did _not_ have to be reminded of everything I hated about our current battle of wills with nature and all her trappings, because it was right in front of my face. What I did need was a memory refresher on the reason behind our nature-heavy date.

_I am hiking with Bella so we can be alone. Totally alone. Don’t waste this experience by noting all the bad stuff._

Bella was being her typical gracious (to a fault) self. Going along. Not complaining. But her frustration bled out in other ways. A weary gaze. A soft sigh as she (for the millionth time) narrowly avoided falling over some hazard Mother Nature just happened to leave on the ground for Bella’s uncoordinated feet to find. 

Finally, when she asked, “Why did we ever think hiking would be our thing?” before adding, “Next time we should try doing something that requires less footwork, like a marathon or something,” I knew that even she was starting to crack. The remark was meant to sound off the cuff, making light of a bad situation. She couldn’t hide the undertones of truth from me though. I knew all of Bella’s mannerisms. You didn’t spend months consumed with your first real-life crush without picking up a few clues as to what was going on inside said love interest’s head. And it was so very clear to me that Bella was miserable. So much so that she’d twisted nervous knots into a few hairs that had escaped her french braid.

I stopped walking and she followed my lead. Without the trudging of our feet drowning out the forest, the noises around us blended into something that sounded almost peaceful. Chirps and tweets alongside the soft pitter-patter of raindrops could’ve complimented any song from a new-agey playlist meant to lull you to sleep. But not me. I was wide awake and filled with annoyance over my stupidity. “I’m sorry,” I said, giving my head a good shake of regret.

“About what?” Bella seemed genuinely confused as she pulled my hand into hers. This should’ve clued me into her true emotions. She wasn’t really upset, but unfortunately for her, I _was_ , and already in a pit of my own miserable making. I wanted to dig deeper and project my dismay onto everything around me.

“About this. All of this.” I removed my hand from her grasp and used it to make a wide sweeping gesture at the tree-filled scenery surrounding us. “You were right. This was a dumb idea.”

Bella tilted her head to the side. “I never said that.”

“Yeah, but you were thinking it.”

One of her eyebrows arched. “Where did you get that idea from?”

“Well, you know, that whole- _We should run a marathon-_ bit you just did. Bella Swan doesn’t make jokes for nothing.” My voice was just a little bit desperate, probably too much for our situation.

 _Goddd! What is my deal? Maybe I’m PMSing._

Bella seemed to take it in stride, willing to overlook my dramatics … at least for now. “So I can’t playfully mock something without you becoming suspicious? It’s not like I haven’t been listening to your sarcasm for the past two months. Is it so weird to think that I might start acting like the person I spend the most time with?” She timidly smiled at me, an olive branch to help walk me back from the ledge I’d wandered onto, but I wasn’t ready to be rescued just yet.

“Well, what about these?” Gently, I reached up to remove one of her hair knots, and let the tips of my fingers gaze her neck for a moment while pulling through the strands.

“My hair?”

“The tangles. You always twist your hair when you’re upset.”

Bella’s lips pressed together, her sympathy over my erratic behavior turning into a muted frustration. “You seem to know an awful lot about my habits, Jess, but not much about what’s going on inside my head.”

 _Shit!_ The day was already ruined. I’d admitted as much during my failed pep talk. Now I seemed dead-set on sabotaging my first ever non-platonic relationship. What the hell was my problem? “I’m sorry,” I rushed to apologize.

“Not this again.”

“No, I’m sorry for the sorry, and for assuming I knew what you were thinking. Guess, I’m not as good at that as I thought.”

“Well, better than Edward anyway,” she mumbled, her voice a mixture of annoyance and playful jab.

I cringed at hearing his name. Without question, neither of us liked the guy, but she’d at least progressed from worrying about his return to openly mocking him. We were simply coping differently. And strangely enough, in the month since he’d been gone, we’d switched roles. Before, Bella had been the one paralyzed by fear of unwanted advances from her supernatural stalker, while I’d been the friend who’d waded through Edward’s bullshit with biting (no pun intended) commentary. Yeah, I was scared, but I reacted in the only way I could, by drowning my opponent in sarcasm. I wasn’t sure where that Jessica Stanely was now. Apparently, when I had nothing to lose, I went all in, being as careless as possible. What did it matter when I’d never get the girl anyway? Well, here I was actually with the girl and flailing about for no good reason other than the ridiculous scenarios I created in my head of what might happen. I needed to get a grip.

“Jess, can you be honest with me?”

I glanced up, only just realizing that I’d been so lost in my head that boot-gazing had suddenly become a passion of mine long enough to make things weird. “What do you mean?”

“Look, I’m not upset that our nature walk has kind-of turned out to be a dud. And if I’m being perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure why you suggested it in the first place. I went along because ... well, I wanted to make you happy, but it just seems like you aren’t. So …” Her bottom lip receded between her teeth for a moment as she nibbled the skin. “Why?”

“Why?” I repeated.

“Why was it so important to you that we do this when it’s so very obvious you don’t really enjoy going on hikes or nature.”

Why? Because it was the only thing I could think of that would get us alone. No fear of intrusive family members or friends breathing down our necks threatening to expose our relationship to the wrong people. But that’s not what I told her. I was too ashamed. And pathetic. “Because …" I hesitated, trying to come up with a reason that was close enough to the truth while omitting certain details. "Because when Alice told me about this place, she made it sound all romantic. She and Jasper come here to be alone … and ... I like being alone with you. I like you.”

_Ugh. So lame._

“Yeah, I think we’ve established that you like me. You did rescue me from a vampire.” Her lips quirked up on one side and I anticipated a full smile forming, but it never materialized and nearly turned into a frown when she added, “And we _are_ together. Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

Bella’s gaze fixed on me intently for a moment, a confession hidden behind the dark brown of her irises. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that,” she finally said, which was obviously a lie. I parted my lips, ready to find out the meaning behind her stare but she was already moving past the moment, taking my hand again like nothing was wrong. “You know, it seems like we’re spending too much time apologizing and not enough just trying to make the most of this. If a vampire who can see the future says a hike in this forest is romantic then let’s try and make that happen, despite the bugs biting us,” her hand came up to brush away a buzzing mosquito that had landed on my cheek, “or the deluge pouring down on us.” 

Something was different, too slight to notice outright. I would’ve tried guessing what was going on in her mind, but I’d already messed that up once today. My only current path forward was to go along with what Bella wanted and try to salvage our date. So I broke out my best Jess the actress smile and quipped, “Well, we’ve certainly faced worse.”

* * *

So, good news. Not all was lost. There did happen to be a bit of genuine happiness mixed in with the gloomy mood of our terrible, horrible, no good, very bad date. 

Not long after our small argument, Bella and I happened upon a narrow pathway that led us to a meadow a little ways off the main trail. We’d only stumbled upon it because of Bella’s sudden need to pee and our map showing no public restrooms popping up anytime soon in our endless walking future. Thankfully, I came prepared and pulled some toilet paper from my backpack. Not exactly romantic- far from it to be honest- but my girlfriend was extremely grateful nonetheless. 

While I waited, pouring over the map and charting our eventual path back to the parking lot where her truck was, Bella emerged from the trees, buzzing with energy. “You have to see this,” she said.

“Uhhh, not sure I want to, but thanks,” I replied, to which she rolled her eyes and took my hand, dragging me into the forest. “Gross, did you even wash your hands?” I joked.

“Hand sanitizer,” she monotoned, while pulling me forward, maneuvering our bodies through tree trunks and branches until a path overgrown with weeds emerged as if only a select few had ever walked on it. I could see some light poking through the brown and green brush as we followed the trail and neared the edge of the forest. Bella stepped into the clearing first and with a gentle tug, urged me to follow. Finally, after a moment's hesitation, I walked through, blinking against the brightness she was already standing in. And when my vision adjusted, I was convinced we’d found the place Alice had been going on about during English class two weeks prior.

It started when our teacher began a lecture over the moor descriptions in _Wuthering Heights_ and Alice whispered to me, “I know a similar place, and even better you’re less likely to be haunted by a dead Cathy there.”

“Spoiler alert,” I’d whispered back with a smile as if I hadn’t already read the book a million times before. Two depressed lovers who can never be together was my closeted lesbian's jam. After that, it was all downhill from there. Or uphill, considering the crazy amount of hiking Bella and I had to endure to find Alice’s favorite make-out spot. I assumed she and Jasper did more than just that here, but thank glob, my mind wouldn’t let me go there.

Details of the meadow slowly came into focus as I swept my gaze around and it was just as Alice had described. A perfectly round area filled with wildflowers, violet, yellow, and soft white that smelled as lovely as they looked. “See,” Bella gushed, “Isn’t it beautiful?”

I smiled, probably my first real one today that wasn’t influenced by my inner actress trying to keep everything from falling apart. This moment was perfect and didn’t need any help from her. “Yes,” I answered, but I’d already turned away from being wowed by the nature in front of us and was staring at Bella instead. “You are.” I didn’t care how cheesy I sounded- and this was definitely some grade A smelly limburger- but neither did Bella. I was her lame as hell girlfriend who leaned in for a kiss that was quickly reciprocated, the spell of the meadow washing over us like delicate raindrops.

Lost in Bella’s lips, thoughts of the look she’d given me back when the words, “sort of,” escaped her mouth evaporated from my mind. I no longer needed to be reminded of all the reasons I’d gone on this hike because the best one was in my arms with her back pressed up against a tree, our mouths hungrily moving against one another’s. 

There’d be plenty of time to try and pick apart her brain later. For now, I wanted to be in the moment and forget everything else but my love for Bella.


	3. Chapter 3

During the first month of my relationship with Bella, I told myself it would get easier. 

I mean how hard could it be? I’d already come out to Angela and then tackled the biggest hurdle of all … revealing to Bella that she was the object of my affection. Both went better than expected so I assumed the rest would fall into place like a set of dominos. Mike kinda knew. Well, he knew I chose to go to the dance with Bella instead of him, so that was like a hint that either I liked girls or that I just wanted to gal pal it around rather than take a date. And then, of course, there was that drunk guy who stared at me and Bella. Even in his inebriated state, he’d likely understood that something was going on between those two kissing girls dancing in the gazebo. At least until a massive hangover stripped him of his memories from the night before.

And let's not forget about the vampires. Alice was aware because she could see the future and Edward because he could read minds. Which, to be honest, was completely unfair. Vampires and their cheating ways of finding stuff out using _X-Men_ like super-abilities rather than doing the hard work of learning salacious details through gossip. The rest of their family, coven, or whatever they called themselves got their knowledge about me and Bella when one of their members became obsessed with my girlfriend. And that was it. No one else. Sure, others probably assumed, but there was no concrete evidence that Bella and I were a couple since we officially began dating over a spilled cup of coffee while having breakfast at a local diner.

One month bled into two and it didn’t get easier. Those dominos stayed straight up. _Straight_ being the keyword. Nothing had fallen into place. Not at school and especially not when it came to my parents. They assumed it was my new BFF coming to pick me up rather than someone I’d made-out with several times in the backseat of their car long enough to steam up the windows. 

Kinda like what we were doing now in Alice’s meadow ... minus the foggy windows and lack of legroom, because here in the great outdoors, our bodies had enough space to crush the flowers and blades of grass as we rolled to our sides, hands and mouths caressing each other. It had started against a tree until that proved uncomfortable enough for us to both kneel on the ground before one thing led to another, and well, here we were … getting hot and bothered in a meadow. Mentally, I scolded myself for not bringing a blanket. If I was going in search of such a romantic place wouldn’t it imply that I’d eventually like to sit down? Maybe even kiss my girlfriend here if it really was as amazing as Alice said? _Eh, screw it!_ We could make do with what we had, and slowly, I began moving my mouth away from hers, starting a trail of hungry kisses- jaw, neck, clavicle- until I reached the fabric of her flannel and quickly tugged at the top two buttons so I could discover the skin underneath, my body aching for Bella's. 

So yes, at least to me … we were a couple.

And even if most of the world was oblivious to what I had with her, the girl in question knew. I mean it was pretty damn obvious that I wanted Bella. So god awful much. Enough to take our moment farther than I'd anticipated doing when we first started kissing against a tree. But before I could tug at any more buttons or unhook a bra, hands reached up to either side of my face. "Wait!" Bella breathlessly gasped.

I startled in response, her voice finally breaking the spell between us. “W-what?” I asked moving my mouth from between her cleavage.

“I don’t … we shouldn’t …” she trailed off and I was smart enough to get that this was our stopping point. And although I wanted to believe that everything was fine between us, that she’d only wanted to hit pause because hello, we were outside, her mannerisms from earlier came rushing back like cold water being thrown on me. “It’s just that I don’t want to get another hickey. I only have so many turtlenecks, Jess,” she explained with a soft laugh to hide her embarrassment.

“Oh, sorry,” I replied moving my body from hers and sitting up. “Guess I got carried away.”

Bella followed my lead and after settling in beside me, she took a second to button her top again. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy when we … _you know_ ,” she said, glancing away, her eyes refusing to meet mine. The air that had been simmering between us just moments before seemed to have grown chilly. “It’s just that it’s becoming a little difficult to explain the hickeys away when only Angela knows we’re dating and ... and ...” She paused to twist a lock of hair and I bit my lip, desperately wanting to know where her _ands_ were leading to.

“And what?” I prompted.

“And Lauren saw one a few days ago when we were changing for gym. She kept bugging me, wanting to know who the guy was. I wouldn’t tell her and now she’s convinced I’m a slut.”

“What?” I was horrified. Not only that Bella was having to deal with Lauren’s gossip- _that bitch!_ \- but also that she hadn’t told me. “Uh, why am I just learning about this now?”

“Because I didn’t want to upset you.”

I exhaled in frustration, maybe a little too harshly, but it annoyed me that we were here again. Bella, trying to keep the peace even when it hurt her. “Why are you always so worried about everyone but yourself?” I asked. “You should’ve told me. I would’ve put Lauren in her place.”

Bella finally looked at me. Her lips, slightly swollen from being pressed up against mine, were now pulled down in a frown. “But I don’t want you to put her in her place. I’d rather avoid a scene altogether. I mean, it’s not exactly a secret that I don’t like being the center of attention. And that’s not something I can do with so many mystery hickeys.” Bella gave her head a gentle shake. “Look, I get that it’s hard to come out,” she said, her voice steady as if she’d rehearsed this a few times in her head already. “And it’s not my place to say when that time is, but if we have to keep hiding who we are, doing this half dating thing, then we can’t get lost in the moment anymore. We have to be more careful.”

I should’ve said something way different than what came out of my mouth next. Something more understanding, but I wanted to nurse the hurt in my heart of being rebuffed. I was doing mental gymnastics if I actually thought Bella was trying to hurt my feelings, but that good ol’ closeted lesbian of mine decided she wanted a say in the matter. No way would she go quietly into the night. It wasn’t eviction time for her just yet. Bella was a threat and she activated a primal need in me to fight back by confusing a rational comment about our relationship with a rejection of it. She put me on the defensive instead of trying to meet my girlfriend in the middle. “You do realize that if I came out and people knew we were dating that you _would_ be the center of attention. Probably even more than Lauren telling everyone about your hickeys. This is Forks. Smalltown, USA. You can’t just be a queer couple and not be put on display. Is that what you really want, since you seem to be soooo against standing out?”

She blinked as if caught off guard, the heat of embarrassment coloring her cheeks before her eyes fell to her lap. “O-of course, I would mind, but I also wouldn’t care as much because at least I’d be living my truth, being with who I … who I l-love.” She tore a few blades of grass and crushed them in her hand. Opening her palm, the blades were swept up in a breeze that made me shiver. “But, I’m starting to wonder if that’s not enough for you.” Suddenly she stood and I heard sniffing.

_Oh crap! Oh shit! Did I ever royally mess this day up._

We didn’t argue like this. Yes, I occasionally pressed Bella to stop letting people walk all over her, but that was offering help. This … what I’d just said to her and the way it came out- like an accusation- wasn’t us. It wasn’t me, or at least not who I wanted to be. I’d essentially become the one treating her like a doormat. Trampling her heart and making her cry. Over what? Some archaic need to be seen as normal? To who? No one was even here with us. 

Or so I thought.

Rushing to my feet, I took Bella’s hand, attempting to keep her from walking off like I sensed she was about to do, but I couldn’t get the groveling apology building in my throat out fast enough. It was quickly replaced by an expletive-laced insult deserving of who I saw off in the distance. Bella gave me an offended look and tugged her hand away. “No, it’s not- that wasn't- it wasn't meant for you," I stuttered, dealing with a massive overload in my brain. I’d hurt my girlfriend. I needed to make it right. But my nemesis had just emerged from the trees. Not only that, he was heading in our direction when he was supposed to be in freaking Alaska. 

“Look out!” he yelled, his speed turning from an above-average run into _Sonic the Hedgehog's_ sprint in a single blink. His shout finally got Bella’s attention and she stiffened. My chest tightened and our eyes locked in mirrored terror. Yet, in the end, it wasn’t Edward we had to worry about. The real enemy had been stalking us for quite some time. I just hadn’t been aware until there was no option but to recognize the throbbing pain in the back of my head when something struck it. A hand? Not a normal blow, that’s for sure. It was too hard for that, enough to cause the world to briefly disappear as stars filled my line of sight. 

“What the hell?” I gasped, feeling light-headed, but shock soon flipped to horror as my vision cleared enough to see Bella go down. Taken from behind by something that looked human but was far from it.


	4. Chapter 4

With shaky arms, I tried to push myself up, knowing full well that the guy sucking on Bella’s wrist wouldn’t be taken down so easily. And to be honest, it probably wouldn’t be done by me. Because let’s be real, even with three years of volleyball skills under my belt, my fighting abilities were subpar at best ... that was unless you wanted to see me spike a ball. Except the only balls here were made for kicking and I doubted I had the strength to do that. Did dude vampires even have balls? It was a weird thought that I could only attribute to getting knocked in the head.

_Focus, Jess!_

I needed to get off the ground and try fighting back. Maybe the bear spray in my backpack would work on bloodsuckers. I wasn’t sure. All I knew for certain was that anything was better than nothing. And far better than running away from a fight. I pulled myself up onto my knees feeling a surge of adrenaline rushing through me, willing me to fight. To save Bella.

But I didn’t get the chance.

The blonde dude currently getting his suck on wasn’t my only problem. There was a redhead too. How did I know? Seconds after finding the strength to get up, I was back down again, my face meeting the ground with a thud. Gritty dirt filled my mouth as icy fingers threaded downward through my hair right before they found my ponytail, which was then used as leverage to flip me over. All the air was forced from my lungs when my back hit the ground, stunning me long enough for a beautiful creature to straddle my hips, pinning me in place. Her red curls undulated in the breeze as even redder eyes stared hungrily down at me, which considering what I assumed she and blondie were, it wasn’t such a far-fetched idea to think I was on the menu. 

_Order of Jess, with a side of type O positive._

Her hands were against my throat, nearly cutting off my air, and panic roiled through me. For all my sarcastic bravado keeping me from slipping into shock, it didn’t keep me from experiencing a massive panic attack. Because shit! I was going to die. This was it. The end. And what a way to finish off seventeen years of life. Two months ago I didn’t even know vampires existed, now I was going to be sucked dry by one. But what bothered me most wasn’t the method of my death, but rather my inability to give Bella the relationship she wanted. The real me. I would never get a chance to show her how much she meant to me. We were going to leave this world having our last conversation be a fight, and it was all my fault.

“No time,” I suddenly heard Bella’s vamp say. “You gotta get rid of him first. He’s obviously attached to these humans and wants to fight. I can sense it.”

“Why do _I_ have to do it?” the redhead asked, her blood eyes narrowing but still holding steady on me.

“Because one of us has to and I’m busy working.”

“Naturally,” she said, her voice dripping with contempt. “You know, if you were a better tracker we could’ve dealt with him earlier and then both of us would’ve gotten what we wanted.”

“Stop with the petty insults. I have a job to do and so do you. Your human isn’t important.”

An exasperated sigh left her mouth. “But I don’t want to waste her. They always taste better fresh.” She leaned down close to my face, her breath smelling of strawberries. I assumed it was a trick. My favorite scent meant to lull me into a passive state. “Guess I’ll just have to hit you a little harder. It won’t be as much fun with you passed out, but those are the sacrifices one has to make.”

“Will you just get it done already.”

“Fuck off, James,” she snapped then lifted her fist, but before it could make contact with my head a loud growl filled my ears, and abruptly she was gone. Pushed off me in a blur of motion. 

“Run,” I heard Edward say.

“Goddammit, Victoria! You just never know when to shut up. Always waiting to the last second to get shit done,” James yelled, clearly more upset with having to join a fight than seeing his partner get the crap beaten outta her. 

I was still on my back, stunned and unable to move. Again I heard Edward tell me to run, this time a little more urgently and it was enough to get me up on my feet. “Wait, I can help,” I gasped, knowing the statement was ridiculous before it even left my lips. 

“Just go!” he shouted through the melee. Victoria was missing an arm and I nearly barfed up the granola bar I’d eating that morning. Quickly, I glanced at Bella. She was awake and shaking. And bleeding. _Shit!_ I didn’t trust Edward, but at the same time, he was fighting on our behalf. I mean he could’ve just left me to the ginger vamp while he went off to battle James. It definitely would’ve been easier. I sucked in a breath and sobbed, indecisive over what I should do. “Go!” I heard him yell once more. “You won’t be able to help Bella if you’re dead!” 

_Okay fine, Eddie, I’ll leave, but not before saying goodbye._

I fell to my knees. “I’ll come back, I promise,” I told Bella, before pulling off my top in one swift motion and shoving it against her wrist, which had been freely dripping red onto the grass. I shivered in my tank top, not sure if it was from the cold or shock. Her wound looked superficial. Like the guy had been taking his time, not wanting to rush through his meal. If anything his meticulousness might be what ended up saving her life. “Hold this against your wrist. Apply pressure,” I instructed, but Bella didn’t seem able to move.

“Burning,” she muttered. "Like fire."

I wasn’t sure what that meant, maybe she was delirious, so I knotted the sleeves to hold the makeshift bandage in place. “This should help,” I told her. “Edward’s fighting the other vampires. He’s actually not being a dick for once, imagine that.” My attempt at a joke failed when my voice cracked. What was the point anyway? Bella was probably off in another world. So, I did the only thing I could. “I-I love you,” I said as tears fell from my eyes blurring Bella, and then with one last glance at the vampires behind me, three watery blobs twisting in the distance, I sprinted off into the trees feeling the like worst coward in the world.

A steady drizzle mixed with my tears as the forest passed by me, my heart filled with worry for Bella, but also a desire to change the scenery as fast as I could. I ran until my legs ached and my heart felt like it would burst, only stopping for a breath when the feral sounds of growls and hisses faded, leaving behind the hiking soundtrack from earlier. Birds chirping with the soft pitter-patter of rain. But no Bella. No steady rhythm of our boots along the trail. No awkward conversations trying to paint our hike as actually fun and not the sucking balls awful it really was. Finally, I broke, unable to contain the loud sob building in my throat, revealing my pain and unfortunately also where I was to anyone with ears. Not that it mattered. Vampires were essentially predatory animals. If they wanted to track me down they probably could even if I were dead silent.

Eventually, my cry gave way to more, and I released all my pent up sorrow and fear in a steady stream of tears that only ended when I heard a rustling in the brush around me followed by my name spoken in a voice as smooth as silk. Old Jess would've balked at the idea of it belonging to someone who'd just been in a fight where limbs had been torn off because it sounded like I was about to be offered champagne at a dinner party. New Jess wasn't so ignorant. Wiping my eyes, I looked his way. Not a single hair was out of place on his perfect head. “You need to come with me,” he stated.

“Where’s Bella?” I asked, instinctively inching backward. Every fiber of my being still rejected Edward. I had only trusted him out of necessity. But now ...

“Alice is helping her. It’s my job to make sure you get back alive.”

“Back to the meadow?” I skeptically asked.

“No, Bella requires more help than Alice and I can give her. She's being moved and I'll take you to her.” He stepped closer.

“Careful,” I warned, reaching out a hand that came in contact with his chest- _holy cow, the thing's like a rock, what even_ \- but he wrapped his fingers around mine before I could pull away.

“Look, I know you don’t trust me, but you’re going to have to if you want to save Bella.”

Yes, of course, I wanted to save Bella, but punching Edward Cullen was also on my dream bucket list. Maybe someday, if I had nothing left to lose I'd crush my knuckles against his face, but for now, I jerked my hand away and relented with an exaggerated groan. What other choice did I have? Helping Bella was the only thing that mattered. “Fine, lead the way,” I replied.

“I’m afraid this is going to require some vampire speed.”

“Which means?”

“You’ll have to get on my back," he answered. If I were a cartoon character my eyes probably would’ve popped from their sockets at this revelation. I might’ve even pulled out a large anvil from my pocket to drop on Edward's flawlessly coifed head. The corners of his mouth quirked slightly and I knew the asshole was rummaging through my thoughts. "Even an anvil wouldn't hurt me," he commented with a chuckle, before quickly sobering, his voice turning serious again. "We need to hurry, Jessica. I know I haven't given you any reason to trust me in the past, but please, for Bella's sake can you put aside your dislike for me?"

 _Dislike? More like hatred ... but whatever_.

"And you have every right to hate me, but now isn't the time."

I rolled my eyes at him- one last act of defiance- before allowing only thoughts of Bella to enter my head. She was real life, not a cartoon, and if this was how I was going to save her then so be it. The enemy of my enemy was my friend, right? My frenemy. I’d let him give me a ride on the vampire express if it got me to my girlfriend faster. “Alright,” I groaned. “Let’s get this the hell over with.”

* * *

_(Bella)_

I woke in darkness, stretched out on a bed. Not mine. Not the twin bed leftover from my childhood that was barely able to hold my teenaged body, but some massive four-poster thing I’d never even seen before let alone slept in. Which come to think of it, I couldn’t even remember going to sleep or why there was an incredible pain in my wrist like blades shooting upwards, the gnawing of a thousand tiny teeth racing up my arm. Instinctively, I touched it and felt gauze. There’d been a wound and I’d been patched up. Actually, I was feeling a little loopy. My hand traveled from my wrist up my forearm to the crook of my elbow where I found another bandage, this one smaller, where an IV had likely been at one point. But this wasn’t a hospital. Taking in my surroundings more thoroughly, I saw a large window to my left. Moonlight was filtering through, enough that once my eyes adjusted, I could tell this wasn’t even Charlie’s house or any house I recognized. Thoughts came slowly of a meadow. With Jess. A fight … sort of. An argument. And then …

_Oh no._

I was fully awake now. Edward had come speeding towards us and then … nothing. There was a hole in my memory. I tried to remember but only saw Jess then him. His topaz eyes expressive for once with something other than morose mooning over me. They were wide. With fear? And then there was a smell. A tang. Metallic. One I knew well because it always preceded me blacking out. Is that what happened? I smelled blood then fainted. Was it my blood? I tried to make sense of the jumbled memories dancing inside my drugged-up mind, but all it did was make my head throb.

"You have to suck out the venom," I heard someone say faintly in my consciousness.

"I can't," a different person replied.

And then they were gone, followed by the sound of a knob twisting in the actual here and now, and I turned my head just in time to see Alice enter the room. "Bella, you're awake," she said, relief in her voice.

Yes, I was awake, but I only cared about one thing and so it was the first question among a few million others that eventually came rushing out of my mouth. "Where's Jess?" I asked.


	5. Chapter 5

_(Alice)_

The possibility of Jess and Bella going hiking was one among a dozen or so other visions that filtered through my mind that morning, but I was pretty great at compartmentalizing, and my friends taking a trip to the meadow because I’d played cupid wasn’t exactly a top priority for me. Although it did deserve a small victory fist pump that Jasper had laughed at before saying, “How generous of you to share our spot with them. Does this mean we’ll have to work out a timeshare?”

“Our timeshare will be my ability to see the future. No couple is going to accidentally stumble upon the other making love,” I replied, tugging on one of his blonde locks. “And I’m not so sure humans enjoy that kind of thing anyway. Their bodies are much more sensitive to temperature and it’s never that sunny in Forks.”

“Well, how about the foothills of the Cascades?”

“Plenty of sunshine for hunting today, but not for what _you’re_ thinking,” I answered with a wink. Jasper’s playful frown was quickly turned back around by my kiss. A kiss he tried to transition into more but I smoothly glided out of reach, taking a moment to concentrate on the likely outcome of our choice to go hunting. I prided myself on being able to see the important stuff and at that moment an advantageous hunting trip was my focus. “Yep, a perfect day to catch a cougar.”

“For who?”

“For you, but you’ll share with me, of course. Rosalie will luck out and get a bear, and she’s not sharing her kill with anyone.”

“Sounds like a good time. Let’s go tell the others,” Jasper responded with an enthusiastic grin and clap of his hands.

The others did not include Edward. After a week of being back, he still wanted to avoid the outside world, even when being tempted with a lucrative hunting trip. “I’d rather not chance running into them,” he told me.

I would’ve mentioned that Bella and Jess were going to be on a different hiking trail far away from where we’d be, but two separate visions revealed that he was set on refusing to go no matter how I phrased it. Pushing Edward would only serve to close him off further to me. He needed time to resolve his feelings on his own. And while I did find it reassuring that he’d grown out of his more destructive impulses during his trip up north, sulking didn’t seem to be one of them. For Edward, accepting that he’d acted inappropriately with Bella and Jess was one thing, moving on from it was another. At times, his future appeared as shrouded, foggy images, but like any fog, I knew it would soon lift, and besides, I’d seen enough to gather that change would happen eventually. “See you when we get back,” I said, standing on my tiptoes so his forehead could receive my kiss. 

He smiled weakly, which wasn’t surprising. Edward tended to wear his heart on his sleeve and could never fake anything. If he felt pain, no effort was made to hide it. You always got the full spectrum of emotions when it came to him. Jasper hated it for obvious reasons and my mind-reading brother was well aware. The two were an odd pairing. Thank goodness they both loved me. I doubted either of them would put up with the other if I were gone. 

We all said our goodbyes, with Esme’s being the most dramatic- pulling Edward into a deep hug that he guiltily grimaced through- and then left. Jasper and I chose to make our way there by running while the others drove. My husband didn’t like being boxed in and tolerated enough as it was just to stay by my side, so I didn’t even blink when he mentioned going alone. Of course, I would if it made him feel more comfortable.

And perhaps a bit of instinct played into my choice as well. Going separately meant I wouldn’t have to deal with four other opinions if I had a vision about Edward and wanted to head back. Jasper and I did have our disagreements from time to time, yet when it came to Edward he typically let me take the lead, trusting my intuition on how to interpret my visions. The rest of my family- well, mostly Rosalie- had strong opinions about Edward that clashed with mine. From the start, she’d never approved of my involvement with Bella or Jess, no matter how much I reiterated that it would benefit everyone … including Edward once he finally allowed himself to grow beyond his past transgressions. If Rosalie had her way, the problem would’ve been removed from the picture early on. My nurturing of Bella’s relationship with Jess meant that Bella stayed in Forks and kept Edward away. Well, now that Edward was back, her theory didn’t hold up, but that didn’t mean she was willing to back down. Rosalie did have many talents- tenacity being the boldest- but knowing what was best for everyone wasn’t one of them. 

And in the end, venturing out alone with Jasper was another decision I made that was for the best because it meant we were near Bella and Jess when I had my vision, with Edward being even closer. The three of us were able to get to them faster while Carlisle drove the others back to set up a temporary operating room for the two injured humans, one of whom was on the verge of becoming like us if we didn’t move fast enough.

* * *

“Come on,” Edward said, attempting to coax me from his back. “You need to get down. We’re not moving anymore.” 

“It’s funny you should say that because it uh, definitely feels like we are.”

“Well, open your eyes and see for yourself.”

“No, thanks.”

He exhaled loudly and then grumbled something about how there wasn’t any time for this, right before icy hands forcefully pried me from his back. I thought I’d handled the trip well enough until we finally stopped moving and all my senses came rushing back. Apparently, the survival instinct of dissociation had kicked in during our run … well, his run. But he was right. I was standing on something solid. Nothing was moving except my stomach. Opening my eyes, I saw Edward staring at me, frowning. “You look terrible,” he stated, not exactly to be a dick, but more as an observation with just a hint of concern. Still, it was my reflex to fight back when it came to him.

“And you’re an asshole, so what’s new,” I replied right before vomiting on the front porch of wherever it was we were. Edward stepped back just in time to keep his shoes from becoming anointed with my regurgitated breakfast.

“Well, this asshole just got you to your injured girlfriend, so maybe give it a rest,” he growled, all his efforts to be cordial slipping away in a flash of anger that ebbed as quickly as it appeared. “I’m sorry,” he said, followed by a long-suffering sigh that was just as dramatic as his personality. “But for Bella’s sake can we put aside this animosity. It’s not helpful.”

Glancing away from my vomit, I saw Edward closing his eyes as he brought his fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He seemed to be genuinely trying to keep it together and I felt a tiny pang of guilt for snapping at him. “Okay fine, truce,” I offered before focusing on what mattered. “So is Bella here, and while we’re on the subject, where exactly _is_ here?”

“Home,” he answered, focusing his gaze on me again. “My family’s home. And Bella is ...” Suddenly, his mannerisms shifted as if he were a deer in headlights, all wide-eyed and slack-jawed.

“What?” I asked.

“I-I ... I don’t hear anyone. Smell anyone.”

“Okay, weird.”

Edward’s eyes narrowed, clearly showing his irritation with my use of sarcasm as a coping mechanism. “If Bella were here and bleeding, I would definitely smell that.” He did a quick sweep of the outside, then ran into the house, leaving me clueless and anxious as to what was going on. When he came back to the porch, a phone was pressed against his ear. “How is that possible?” he was saying, followed by a very elegant sounding F-bomb. “I did exactly as you told me. How is this going so wrong?”

His one-sided conversation was just as annoying as every other time I’d been forced to stand near some jerk talking loudly on the phone, with one major difference, this was about my girlfriend … my _attacked by a vampire_ girlfriend who wasn’t where she was supposed to be. “What’s happening? What’s wrong?” I asked, sounding just a little bit desperate. Okay, maybe _a lot_ desperate.

“There’s a problem,” he replied, tucking his phone away.

“You don’t say,” I mocked.

Edward ignored my swipe, looking too upset to even bother with a retort. “We have to go for another run.”

“N-no,” I protested, my eyes instinctively finding my spewed _Jackson Pollack_ spread out between our feet. 

“Why are you acting like this?” Edward said, his voice nearly a growl and I took a step back, intimidated by his outburst. After seeing my reaction, his expression softened as he dialed back the vampire within. “Look, you can stay here if you want and wait for the rest of my family to arrive.” He waved his arm, indicating the house. “But Alice has had several visions in the last hour, and it’s only when you’re there with Bella that she ends up surviving, so, if your girlfriend means anything to you at all, you’ll go without question.”

The guilty feeling from the meadow came rushing back, buckling my knees, and I cringed over letting Edward have the moral high ground in this situation. Things had certainly evolved between us since he’d been gone. And it was with this shift in mind that I did the most inconceivable thing possible by admitting, “You’re right,” before covering my face with my hands. “Why am I screwing this up so badly?”

My question was rhetorical, but Edward answered anyway. “Because you’re human and what you’ve been taught about this world has been slowly unraveling. I’m sorry you’ve been thrown into this and I know I certainly haven’t been much help in the past, but, it's understandable that you would panic.” He settled a hand on my shoulder and then gave it a gentle pat. I looked up at him, tears rolling down my cheeks. “Better?” he asked. When I gave him a sniff and a nod, his mouth twisted to give me the barest indication of a smile. “Then let’s get going.”

I was on Edward’s back again, moving through the forest surrounding his home when I heard screaming. Even with the air rushing past my ears canceling out most other noises, I knew those cries belonged to Bella. It took me less time than before to gather my bearings once we finally stopped moving and as soon as the world no longer felt like a merry-go-round, my knees hit the ground next to Bella. Alice was hovering nearby and after giving her a quick glance, I recoiled. Blood was staining the side of her mouth. “I’m here,” I said, looking back to Bella, but much like before she wasn’t aware of anything besides the burning in her wrist.

“Where’s Jasper?” I heard Edward ask from somewhere above me.

“One of the vampires escaped.”

“Why didn’t you get Bella back to the house?”

“It’s happening too quickly. I had to stop and try to suck the venom out. We can’t wait for Carlisle … but I couldn’t- it was- I started to but …” Alice audibly shuddered, leaving her sentence unfinished and Edward let out a breath of exasperation.

“Are you expecting me to do it? You know how her blood smells to me. It’s the reason I took Jessica to the house and you were supposed to follow with Bella. I can barely stand being near her now without-”

“It has to be you. You have to suck out the venom, Edward.”

“I can’t. I won’t,” he refused.

“But I already tried … I-I nearly killed her.”

“And who’s to say I won’t?”

Their conversation came and went like ocean waves crashing then receding. I was aware of it but focused on Bella until I realized she might make it if either of them couldn’t resolve this issue. “So let me get this straight,” I said, standing. “Bella’s been pumped with venom. She might turn into a vampire, be saved by one of you, or be killed by one of you? Are those the options we're working with?” I asked matter-of-factly as if my question wasn’t batshit crazy talk.

Alice’s dark honey eyes were full of regret when they found mine. “Worse, the venom might kill her too. We interrupted what he had planned, he wasn’t able to finish, so there are no guarantees.”

“Except the guarantee that if I’m with Bella, then she’ll survive, right? That’s what Edward told me, so, I should get to make the choice.” Squaring my shoulders, I pointed at Edward. “You, you’ll have to do it.” His brows furrowed, and he opened his mouth to say something- most likely to balk at my order- except he was drowned out by Bella’s scream rising above his voice. The sound of it made me want to sob and just fall to pieces. Instead, I lifted my chin, determination blooming inside my chest. I wouldn’t fail her again like I had by keeping our relationship a secret. “Alice has already tried. We could leave it up to chance that maybe Bella will become like you guys, but that’s not something she’d be willingly walking into. But you, Edward …” I sucked in a breath, my courage rising like a balloon, making me feel dizzy over what I was about to say next. “You’re the only one here who cares about her as much as me.” _Even if it’s based on some shitty twisted fantasy that’s warped your mind_. “So, only you can save her.”

I’d tried keeping my malicious comments about Edward to myself, but that didn’t fly with Mr. I can hear your thoughts, so I hastily bookended my insult with an inadequate _Sorry_. Edward gave me a strong steady look, momentarily making me think I’d screwed things up again, but that soon transitioned into a small shrug. “Don’t worry,” he said. “After everything, I think I deserve it.”

If the situation were different, I might’ve laughed over Edward Cullen admitting he was worthy of my verbal abuse … well, mental abuse, but now wasn’t the time. “I-I trust that you can save Bella,” I told him. _You can do this._

Edward gave me a single hard nod before his sullen demeanor fell away, a steely conviction taking its place, then he kneeled down next to Bella and took her injured hand in his.


	6. Chapter 6

The nerve I felt while telling Edward he could save Bella began fracturing as soon as his mouth found her wrist. Sure, it was weird as hell- I mean, that was always going to be a given- but I hadn’t anticipated it being horrifying too. Bella’s screams rose high into the trees, loud enough that loitering birds flew away in flocks. 

And doubt flooded me. 

I’d been trying so hard to take control of a deteriorating situation and be the girlfriend Bella deserved that I hadn’t even considered it might not be the right decision. I mean, someone could be overly confident and still be completely wrong. Even idiots thought they were right most of the time. Was that me? The idiot who convinced a vampire to be reckless? I told Edward I trusted him, but did I really? Because come on! This was Edward. _Edward!_ The nefarious shadow over my life for the past two months. What was I thinking? What if he ended up killing Bella and it was all my fault?

As quiet as a ghost, Alice slipped beside me and took my hand, cold meeting warmth. “He’s making it worse,” I whispered, keeping my eyes locked on Bella, afraid that if I looked away she might be taken from me.

“Don’t worry,” Alice replied. Startled by the sunshine in her voice, I finally turned my attention to her. Blood no longer stained her lips, but it still seemed strange that she’d transitioned so quickly into the quirky girl I knew from school. The manic-pixie who acted as if nothing was ever the matter. 

“Not worry?” I snorted as if her words were a joke. “Suuure. Easy peasy.”

“No really, it’s working. He’s controlling himself.” At first, I thought she was simply trying to reassure me, but then I wondered if I’d been a vision in her head. The crazy human who was about to do something stupid, like interrupt her brother and turn a bad situation worse. 

“How can you be so sure,” I asked.

“Because you’re here. You said so yourself, she survives when you’re with her and I think she senses your presence.”

“Oh,” was all I could think of to say. I might’ve added the quip swirling in my mind about how I must be an awful girlfriend if Bella was screaming when she sensed me, but I didn’t have the heart make light of something so serious, even if it would momentarily calm my anxiety. In any case, it wasn’t necessary. Alice filled my silence with an endless flow of chatter. Taking the ache in my chest and filling it with distraction and maybe even a little bit of that vampire mojo she’d mentioned before. Dazzling me into a passive state. Not for cruel reasons or for her own benefit, but to guide me through a traumatic experience. 

“So, I guess Edward’s back, huh?” I remarked at one point, placing a rock in front of her word stream. I wasn’t sure why I’d said it. Maybe I wanted to give myself some agency and show that I was upset over her omission. Alice seemed to sense this and smiled apologetically.

“It was sudden. Even I hadn’t seen it coming until he was at our front door a few days ago. I wasn’t sure how to break it to you and Bella. I didn’t want to worry you. So, I decided to play cupid and-”

“Sent us to the meadow as a ploy to get us out of Forks,” I finished for her, more statement than question.

“And I also wanted to butter you up a little bit before breaking the news.”

“Welp, if you hadn’t already noticed the news has been broken open as wide as a canyon.”

Briefly, Alice’s gaze fell to her hand still holding tightly to mine. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice momentarily hitching as she brought her eyes back up. “About that and about what happened in the meadow. It all turned out so terribly. I should have seen them coming. I obviously wouldn’t have sent you and Bella off alone if I’d seen other vampires in the area.”

I shrugged. Not really upset, just feeling defeated. Whatever spell Alice was working on me took away my panic but replaced it with sadness over everything that had gone wrong today. 

Before long, Bella’s screams shifted from shrill agony to pained whimper and it was during this transitional phase that Carlisle found us. I’d never met him before- only seen him from afar at school events- and really only guessed it was him because he wasn’t Emmett or Jasper. His words to Edward were quick- so fast my ears only picked up a garbled word salad- and then he was lifting Bella up against his chest. “Where are you taking her?” I blurted, breaking from Alice’s hold and moving mere inches from him.

He gave me no answer. Just ran. A blur of color whisking Bella away.

“Carlisle is taking her to our home. Which is where we’ll be in just a moment,” Alice said. She indicated her back in the same fashion Edward had. No longer fearing vampire speed, I hitched my legs over Alice’s hips and wound my arms around her neck. And just before we zoomed off into the forest, I caught Edward’s eye. His usual golden irises had changed into a rusty red similar to his hair. Tired and defeated, he stared back at me and it was the first time I ever felt a connection with him. After today, I didn’t think it'd be possible to ever look at him through the same hate-filled lens. He’d changed ... for the better and I absently wondered if I would get a chance to do that too. Our mistakes were not the same, but I still wanted to make up for mine. I just hoped I’d be given the opportunity.

* * *

It took two days before Carlisle deemed it safe enough to slowly ease Bella out of sedation, so that meant two days of me arguing with my mom over the phone telling her that no, I wasn’t coming home. Not when Bella had nearly died of a snake bite and was still unconscious. That was the story Esme made sure to spread around town to the various mothers she kept in touch with through the PTA. I apparently had a concussion from being thrown to the ground by Miss Redhead, but that wasn’t worthy enough to concoct an elaborate lie for. So I simply became a comedic sidekick. Trying to help Bella through her dire straits, I had clumsily fallen and hit my head.

Charlie came to visit and thanked Carlisle for taking his daughter in and using his medical know-how to save her. He slept over that first night before heading back to work after Carlisle’s insistence that Bella was in the clear. He briefly hugged me as he was leaving. It was awkward as all get out but also nice, especially when he said, “You’re a good friend to Bella, Jess.”

Angela stopped by too, bringing me some clean clothes and toiletries since I wasn’t about to ask my mom to do it for me. “So this is the famous Cullen residence?” she’d said in awe upon arriving. I held back a dark remark about the house being less impressive when you’re girlfriend was lying unconscious inside.

If I wasn’t fielding calls from my mom, then I usually spent time sitting beside Bella’s bed, but when that wore too heavy on my heart I wandered outside, needing to get away from it all. Not too far though, since I didn’t want to be surprised by any more rogue vampires. On my second evening of playing house guest to the Cullens and Hales, I was taking one of my _blow off some steam_ walks in the surrounding forest when a rogue vampire actually did surprise me. Only it was just Edward using his stealthy supernatural ways. I started when he emerged from the trees and he quickly apologized. My reply was a shrug because at that point I couldn’t be bothered by much. Not when Bella was still up in his house numb to the world. 

“Come to join me on my brisk twilight walk, pull some fresh air into your lungs?” I asked, not entirely serious, then added, “Wait do you even have working lungs?” He did. I knew because Alice had spent the last two months patiently answering all my inquisitive vampire questions.

He ignored my trademarked sardonic schtick and said, “Actually I think we’re overdue for a talk.”

Warily, I looked up at him, not sure if I was ready for whatever he had to say. His red eyes from before had faded somewhat back to their normal shade but they still made me uneasy. For that short moment when we locked eyes after he’d drunk Bella’s blood, he reminded me of those other vampires. The ones that nearly killed me and recruited Bella. That was the theory anyway. Jasper had explained that now and then, vampires wanted to turn humans instead of ingesting their blood. Some had good intentions when doing this, but James and Victoria weren’t suspected of possessing any of those. For some reason, I’d been a throwaway snack while Bella had been someone special and I was hit by an overwhelming sense that I didn’t deserve her. In any case, I was extremely grateful that I didn’t have to worry about blondie and ginger anymore. 

“Soooo you wanna shoot the shit?” I finally replied, using lame finger gun gestures as I spoke.

Amazingly, Edward chuckled, which I guess was deserved. I did look incredibly stupid. “Actually, I wanted to apologize,” he paused before adding, “for my past actions. At the restaurant with you and Bella. And in the car beforehand.” I noticed Edward’s eyes change as he worked his way through an apology. They were sharper and steadier than I ever remembered them being, free of their usual constipated smolder. “Heh, constipated smolder, that’s genuinely funny, Jess.”

Heat rushed to my cheeks and I glanced down at my feet. Two months ago I probably wouldn’t have cared if he’d heard my passive insult, now it suddenly mattered. To save face I did a bad imitation of a standup comic. “Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Be sure to tip your server.” Edward laughed again and it eased my embarrassment. “Thanks,” I muttered, meeting his gaze. “For apologizing. And thinking I was funny, I guess.”

He dipped his chin in acknowledgment. “I’m not so sure I deserve your forgiveness just yet, but I plan to earn it,” he replied. “From Bella too. I intend to earn her forgiveness as well.” 

_Yeah, me too_.

We continued walking, the crickets filling the silence between us until the sun faded enough that I began heading back to the house. “I think you’re about to have company,” Edward finally spoke when we neared the driveway. “And you might get your wish to make things right with Bella sooner than you anticipated.”

Initially, I was annoyed at him for reading my mind, but that quickly transitioned into excitement. “Does that mean she’s finally awake?” I asked. Before he could answer, tires rumbled down the gravel driveway followed by a car door slamming and my name being called in rapid succession. By my mom! “Oh shit!” I exclaimed. Then I shoved Edward. Well, not really shoved. More like pushed against an immovable boulder. “You asshole,” I nearly growled, realizing he knew all the details about my fight with Bella. Even the deeper hidden parts, like my guilt over keeping the truth of my relationship from my family.

He showed me his palms in surrender. “Look, it’s not exactly something I can turn off, and you’ve been in our house for almost two days. You talk to yourself. _A lot_. And with someone you call your closeted lesbian.”

I exhaled loudly, crossing my arms like a petulant child. “Yeah, well, she's the reason I'm even in this mess. That bitch.”

“Want me to find Jasper?” Edward asked, his tone conciliatory. “He can help ease your mother’s emotions. Make her more compliant.”

“No,” I replied after giving my body a good shake, readying myself for a fight. “I've gotta face her head-on and alone.” This was going to be my swan dive into shark-infested waters and I’d do it all on my own to prove to myself and Bella that I loved her unconditionally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not an ending ... I know. I'm nearly there though.
> 
> Thanks for reading and please consider leaving a comment letting me know what you thought.


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